How to argue with your partner, without damage on the relationship

Every couple will sooner or later fight about something. Whether it be about the latest hot-button political issue, where your loved one has a different opinion, or something as simple as what type or piece of furniture to get to your Livingroom.

Fighting allows us to work things out, so do not see it as a bad things. It is not important whether we fight but how we fight. One fight could lead to another, which would lead to a toxic relationship.

As a couple you have to learn to communicate smarter together.

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Never fight about more issues at once

You know it, you start about a sandwich and you land up fighting about bed from last week and kitchen from last month, because why not to summarize everything into one right? That is not a good idea. Focus on what is the matter now, at this moment and resolve it as best as you can. This bad habit prevents you and your partner from ever getting to the root of an issue.

Do not use language to pass the blame

It is very common to pass the blame on other people "you do this" or "you do that", such phrases inevitably put your partner on the defensive and so the arguing escalates, where both of you are pointing fingers. An easy way out of this is to use "I" statements, to show your partner why it upsets you. For example, instead of saying, "You make me angry because you don't listen," you can say, "I feel upset because I don't feel heard right now."

Fighting on a wrong place at wrong time.

Nobody likes to fight in public in front of people, that can make things even worse as your partner might feel embarrassed and humiliated and could use these feelings against you and that escalates your argument.

Fighting hungry and tired also isn´t a good idea, we tend to think differently and our arguments might not be very rational.

Listen and let talk

Make sure both parties get to say what bothers them. Give them space to express their feelings, listen to what they got to say, think about the meaning before you say anything and do not interrupt them. Interruption and not listening leads to frustration not to express once feelings and thoughts and again puts them on a defend mode and guess what - it gets worse.

Try not to use generalizing words like always and never, crossing your arms and rolling your eyes.

Definitely avoid cursing, name calling and going to sleep or leaving the room/house without resolving this thing.

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