You may be preparing for the mother role for some time or you just jump into it like i did, whatever your path is, your expectations will often be different, than the reality. If i could have one wish, regarding our first months, that would be to return to the beginning of my motherhood and do it all over again. It wasn´t just fast, it was also stressful i was full of questions, fear, confusion and despair.
I. And the first thing i wish i have known as a first time mom was that "everything takes time" and "doctors do not always know best."
We struggled with breastfeeding and frankly did not have to, if only somebody told me, that feeding for 20 mins is fine, feeding from only one or from both boobs during one feed is fine, it is absolutely fine to give formula if you feel like it. We were pushed to feed for only a certain amount of time, stressed with constantly staring on the clock whether it is time to feed or the three hours had not yet passed ...
Tip for moms: Just feel your baby and listen to your instincts. If your baby is growing, than feed them how ever they want. We also sometime eat more sometime less and we never wait for exact hour.
II. Growth spurts and cluster feeding is normal. It comes and it goes. When your baby wants to feed every hour it does not mean, that your milk supply is decreasing, it is simply your baby growing rapidly in a short window, and letting your body know it must crank up the milk supply - and if you wait couple days, if you go with the babies flow, you will adjust the supply and will be able to breastfeed further. Do not give up too easy.
Tip for moms: The only time you may need to be concerned about not producing enough milk are if your babe is not producing enough wet nappies in a day or if they are not gaining weight at the expected rate.
III. The hormones, the body, the hair ... I am so glad, my husband was able to stand by me, because sometimes even i wanted to slap myself! I would just start crying and think of myself as the worst mother on earth. Was amazed by my body, what it was capable of just to hate it ten minutes later. I still don´t feel confident nor attractive, even though there are no signs of postpartum anymore. And the hair loss i wish you are one of those who do not experience it or very little, because seeing your brush and drainage full of hair every time and i mean FULL is just heart breaking.
IV. Babies make their own schedule and not every expert is an expert. Now speaking about sleep. We never fell into the boxes of "baby should sleep like this at this time" and so on. I read too many articles about how to sleep train your baby, how they should fall asleep on their own, how you should not rock them to sleep or they will get used to it, nor they should fall asleep on the boob and you know what? All this stressed me out. It stressed him out! Non of us was sleeping and nothing was working. And then i read a beautiful article .. basically saying that, they were born into this huge, loud and fast going world and you (momma) are the safe anchor in their tiny bubble. They won´t be babies forever, once they will be too cool to even hug you and then they will have life of their own, so do what works the best for you now...and for us it is falling asleep on the boob and taking at least one day nap together ♥
V. You probably won't love your baby right away, and that's okay, for some it takes time. I unfortunately felt quite guilty and wondered if I was normal. Right there i had a beautiful healthy baby, what others would give for it and I was searching for those deep feelings you see in movies. But it's not always tears of joy and bursting love right in the delivery room. I was told I looked pretty shocked and quite honestly, that's how I even felt. You get to the hospital with a huge belly and then suddenly all the pain is gone and they put a tiny and slimy thing on you that's supposedly yours. I kept looking at him like my brain just wouldn't understand how two cells could make a whole new person in nine months.
Love will come, and it will grow. When he first smiles at you, when he takes your cheeks in his hands, when he burrows into your hair...